Welcome to the newsletter for 3/22/19. We send out a newsletter every week on Thursday evening Pacific US time. If you got a link forwarded or shared by a friend and you’d like to get the actual email notification in your inbox so you don’t miss a newsletter, just sign up here.
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1) Facebook post about self-compassion
Here’s the entire text of that Facebook post I mentioned. You can also find the post on Facebook in the actual group (if you are in the group…which you can join if you want) with this link. Don’t forget to reply to the email with your thoughts.
SELF-COMPASSION VS. TOUGH LOVE…in lieu of going live today…
You’ll hear me talk about self-compassion in here sometimes and we talk about it in the academy and on the blog.
I talk about it often because I think that people lack self-compassion more often than not. But, I don’t ever mean to diminish the need for “tough love” or even to be disappointed in your own actions.
The thing is, it’s NOT supposed to be an either-or type of thing. You’re not supposed to choose between “it’s fine that I failed and I love myself anyway…all is well” OR “I suck, I need to get my crap together”. Those are NOT the choices.Those are extremes and are both out of balance. We seem to like extremes or at least get tricked into believing that everything is a binary choice between 2 extremes…but it’s not.
Let me see if I can explain the difference between that view and a more balanced approach where you have self-compassion but you also hold yourself accountable….
I think the difference is easiest to understand when you first understand the difference between SHAME and GUILT. Many use them interchangeably…but they are actually quite different.
GUILT: I am a good person with good intentions, but I messed this particular thing up and need to do better.
SHAME: I am a failure as a person and messing this thing up is a symbol of my lack of worth.
You see the difference? Guilt is useful! Guilt can totally be used to change behavior, get better, improve. Shame cannot…because shame is about who we believe we are. Guilt is more about the action, but shame is more about the person as a whole.
So, when I talk about “self-compassion” when you mess up and go off the rails or gain a few pounds or whatever it is…I’m talking about NOT letting those actions define WHO YOU ARE…I’m talking about not shaming yourself and letting yourself believe that YOU are a failure as a person.
I’m talking about specifically realizing that your failed action isn’t necessarily a symbol of who you are and your worth as a person.
If you can differentiate and use guilt (still have to be careful with how much) to hold yourself accountable, that can be good. The key is that it is about changing actions and realizing you are capable of that. If you believe it is because you are fundamentally flawed and unworthy as a person, it’s much harder to change your actions.
Do you see the difference? Can you see how you can be “hard on yourself” to reach for a goal without it being about your worth as a person? Can you see how there could be a balance?
3) 28 Days To Clean – New book coming soon!
REMINDER: I’m writing a book! If you’ve been on this newsletter for more than a few weeks, you probably saw that I’m writing a book called “28 Days To Clean” and I asked for volunteers for a test group. Well, we are now on week 3 of that test group and it’s going well. The feedback on the program has been very good.
It’s going to be a 4-week (28 days) step-by-step program in an actual printed book. I’m so excited!
If you want to keep informed about the release more closely, click here to enter your email and get added to the info list quickly.
5) NEW RECIPE: Gluten Free, Low Carb Air Fryer Chicken Nuggets
This new air fryer chicken nuggets recipe looks amazing! If you don’t have an air fryer, our favorite one is linked in the recipe. If you don’t want to get an air fryer, you can try this in the oven, too…but the air fryer is so easy.